I have always had a job, from the ripe young age of 15; and although my job experiences have thankfully gotten better with age, I can't help but think that the Feudal System never really died. Day in and day out I get up and go to work, and for what gain? To still find myself struggling to make ends meet at the end of every month and seemingly watch my youth forever slip through my fingertips. Me and the rest of America right? I understand I'm definitely not the only one, and that there are so many people that are far worse off than myself; but sometimes I can't help but question our society and why it works the way it does. ~~::;;"" yea yea yea I know I sound like a broken record but hear me out, if you do so choose.
I'm a 21 year old, Junior in college, putting myself through school, working two jobs, and trying to keep a hold on all the things I do so hope to accomplish in my time on this fickle place we all call home. LOANS. Lets not talk about loans. They're there, and they are super helpful, I can honestly say that without student loans I wouldn't be able to pass school. For me although I could probably scrape by with my own wages, they are a form of security for me, they allow me to pay that doctor bill I've had for the past 3 years on time, that I can have WiFi in my home so that after working 13 hours I can go home to study and not to an internet café or the library. Frankly they allow me to live comfortably, as I'm sure is the case with many people that I know are going through similar scenarios as myself. But don't for a second think that the voice in the back of my head isn't screaming; these need to be paid back and PRONTO!
On to living. I live in a pretty decent sized apartment complex. $1250 a month for a two bedroom, one bathroom, no utilities included, in the Village. Not bad. Previous apartments. $1200, 6 bedroom, heat and hot water included. The one before that, $1225, 4 bedroom, water included. Granted I'm in a more renovated apartment, in an awesome location, but HOLY SHIT. Granted this is my choice, I couldn't live in a dorm room, I like feeling safe in my home, I like being able to have my own space. I understand livin aint easy, but in the present months after much mulling over my living expences, I came across a handful of podcasts and found that there are slews of middle aged adults who are in the very same situation that I am in! I'm 21, they're grown adults, over college, half way through their careers, packing up and moving because they can't afford to live in their homes. Once again I come back to the fact that I really am blessed to be able to take care of myself the way that I do, but there's that voice in my head again saying, aren't I going to school so that I don't have to worry about living at some point? Hmmph, I'm starting to think the change does not come....
We are a society that builds and builds debt insurmountably, and in the process of doing so we turn a blind eye and tell ourselves that things will change in a few years and that it will all just wash away. In the process of scrubbing away at our debt we are only spreading it. So what do we do? Go with the motions? Today I was mowing my employer's lawn, and couldn't help but wonder how many other young adults my age were doing that at 1030 in the morning on a Thursday? Last year I wouldn't have been. I more than likely would've been hungover, in bed, begging someone to bring me a cup of coffee. Granted if I wasn't in that state I would've been sleeping, after working until 4 in the morning the night before. Pick your poison I guess. With age comes more responsibility, with the want for more comes the need for cash, and with that comes more responsibility.
The thing that really gets me is that I didn't want to go to school. I just understand that you have to. I want to write, I want to travel and take pictures, and sit in circles with strangers and laugh and cry. I want to teach English in another country and give a child a hot meal that maybe has never had one before. I want to soak up every great little spectacle that this Earth has to offer. But our society makes it awful hard for a 21 year old girl, that understands the importance of a home and a career to do so. I am not giving up though. Speech pathology is my major, I intend to finish out school, I intend to pay back my loans ASAP, I intend to give myself a few more years of wisdom, and then I intend to live out MY dream and get everything out this life that I want. It won't be easy, but hey it aint easy now and I'm sure as hell not going to look back thirty years down the road and say, I did all that for what?
END RANT.... I hope if anyone comes across this and takes the time to read my scattered thoughts, that if anything they take a moment to think about what they really truly want. Erase all the bad, know that things can always be worse, and that if you set you mind to it than you can truly make your world everything you ever wanted it to be. Don't settle, Stay True<3
