Love & Light

First off I will start by saying I am going to do my very best to try and redirect my type of writing on this blog. Although personally I generally retract from saying that my writing conveys a twinge of depressive aspects, I also cannot complete disagree with the statement. Conveying my emotions in this way has been helpful but I'm ready to try a new approach, and in doing so I think it will help me grow not only as a writer but as a person. SOOOOO Tuesday morning food for thought:

http://beyondblindfold.com/how-negative-energy-affects-your-life-and-how-to-clear-it/



^^ read it, love it, embrace it, make love and light a regular part of your life<3
& now to the what I classify as "the good stuff"


I just started my Sophomore year of college am working full time and unfortunately have put myself in a bit of a debacle. (save for another time) Basically for the next six months at least I will be working my ass off. However I can't help but recently have this overwhelming sense of calm. I feel like although my life is anything but "easy" I by no means am upset with that. In fact I'm anything but upset! Being the Gemini that I am, it is extremely easy for me to become bored. With my life taking such a busy and fast tracked pace as of late I feel like I am getting what I need. I'm focused, determined, and eager to get my future going.

On the family front the next few months will be a very trying time. Being the middle child I have always embraced the aspect of being the middle man, the go to gal of the family, and definitely the one that tries to keep the peace. Most would say that I had to grow up far to fast but for me I feel like that was in the cards for me all along. My family needs me far more than I need them and that is meant in the kindest way possible. I'm an old soul and a very independent one at that. For the last few years it has been my goal to find a balance between my crazy family life and the life that I am building for myself. I believe that it is just about time that I will be tested on how well I have maintained that goal.

& lastly the guy stuff...yes, what my writing seems to constantly filter around.

I constantly walk around reminding myself to live in the present; and for the most part I'd like to think that I do that pretty well in most aspects of my life. All aspects except this one. (that guy stuff) I'm a hard girl to break, on the outside. I have a shell that is miles thick. But inside I am undoubtedly a hopeless romantic. Now I've found myself once more in the most uncanny of situations (what else would it be) but its my situation and I love it through and through. My friends always ask me "Why do you do this to yourself?" or tell me that I'm setting myself up to get hurt. Which in the past I have to admit that I have. Recently though for the first time I have opened up. I've stopped hiding my feelings so much and to be honest I believe it is working to my advantage. I could ramble on into much more depth but my time is running up and  I'd hate to leave this unfinished. What I'm mostly trying to get at is live in the present. In all aspects of your life. Work, family, love, friendship. Everything. When you do that and forget about all the other who's, what's, and when's you find yourself truly happy. Take the little things for what they are, laugh when you want to laugh, (even at the wrong times), smile constantly, and radiate your entire being into everything you do. It's really not as hard as it may sound. If anyone takes the time to read this and they can get one thing out of any of this hub bub I would want it to be this.


Put love and light into everything you do and it is sure to stay with you<3

Happy Tuesday!

?

lost in limbo, searching for a feeling that can't be explained with words.

cheap beer and takeout, no sleep and lots of responsibility.

surrounded by the lost souls of my youth, together we are free.

these are the days we will remember, or the ones we will long to forget

why is everything so simple yet so complicated, though sometimes I revel in just that

I'm confused, abused, and slightly consumed, but i think we all are....are you?

~real~

It’s the little things that get me, like a cup of hot coffee in the morning, Or a stroll through the park with a good book. I believe in but a few complexities in life, it comes off as hard but honestly it’s all about the small stuff. I believe in that light buzz. The melodramatic sanctum of gibberish and “real talk” wrapped into one. An honest days work is the deal breaker for me, take and give what you want, but in all honesty nothing is free. There needs to be a goal, a domain of forward motion, the catch is that it’s so easily lost but will power will keep you in focus. For me, I’ve finally after a year of total bullshit, given up on that “noise” and I’m ready for real shit. I know I’m not settling, though many will think that I am. It’s time for me to recognize exactly who I am. No need for the cheap highs that send me on my way, I”m simply me and that’s who I am now whole heartedly choosing to be.

Dream of You No More

I'll go to sleep with dreams of you, because it's the only thing that I can do.
I swear no one else touches you, and that's why I'm alone....

Though as time has and will continue to move forward, you haunt me less at night.
At times I wake up aching just to see your face, to be touched by your light.
Truth be told I realize now you were always a dream, even in my waking life.
I made you into something that I wanted you to be, maybe it wasn't even meant to be you, but you were there, you were comfortable, it happened...

Now I feel almost silly having wasted so much time, making you my knight in shining armor, the love of my life. It was always a dream, a dream that I made seep into my reality, though it only penetrated the surface. Telling myself over and over again that one day it would just click and everything would come true. Maybe someday it will, I think I have permanently implanted a strain of hope somewhere deep inside me, though it has thankfully become less deep.

Lastly, I'm sorry for making you something your not. I know you know how I feel. & I know there is nothing you can do. It's not your fault, but mine. I'm a stubborn, stubborn woman who will always have a yearning for that which I can not have. I'm getting better, it will be better. I love you, always and forever.

Goodnight.

Please & Thanks

For anyone who takes the time to read any of my work. I'd love criticism, comment, anything. I'm basically an idiot when it comes to blogging but I'm slowly getting the hang of it more and more. Regardless I'd love any sort of feedback that could be given!

Much Love!

~kt~ Everything I Do Will Be True

Killing Me Softly

I watched the sun rise over the Rice Building and questioned the virtue of life.
What brought me here, to this beat up and laden side of town. Smoking a cigarette and listening to the drone of life as it slowly slips into another day. I can't help but be consumed by the unknown. We are nothing  but mere trinkets in the game of life. Moving viciously in circles, trying to find our way out of the melodrama that has become each and every one of our lives. Most will forever be spinning round and round swearing that they're making it closer everyday. Closer to what they don't know but it's closer all the same. Personally I don't believe there is a way out. We are in an impenetrable field of hopes and dreams, we are consumed and reminded everyday of the things we can't have but want ever so desperately.

I believe there comes a point in everyone’s life where they stop whatever mundane or insignificant task they are in the midst of and wonder, what brought me here? For me that has been happening a lot lately. I’m constantly asking myself, “How did I get here”? “What brought me to this very point”? and “How do I change this”. Time changes us much like the seasons. I find myself becoming more and more enveloped in my own thoughts and issues rather than fiddling with the banter that is most people’s lives. At twenty years old I can honestly say I am doing well for myself, and by no means am I trying to discredit where my life has brought me, however I see myself treading on ice and where once I may have been keen to ignore the warnings that are put in front of me, this time I am not. I find myself with no one to talk to, no one to convey my thoughts to. Why that is I don’t know but there must be a reason and because of that reason I will acknowledge and reason with what lies in front of me.

 

I don’t believe in anyone but myself.